My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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