JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
