well most of my day revolves around power hour
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize