I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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