If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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