She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
