You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
