Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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