WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
