i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
