Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
