Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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