wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
