So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
