I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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