I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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