I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
