Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize