i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
