But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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