she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
