I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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