Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So much rum. So many feels.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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