i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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