Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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