make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
