I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Randomize
