i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
