umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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