sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
