I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
