i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
