well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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