Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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