WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
