he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
