You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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