she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize