he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize