He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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