Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
