let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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