Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
