Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just gargled with NyQuil
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
