Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
