i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
