Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
