My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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