Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
