it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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