She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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