Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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