so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
