You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
