I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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