I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
