from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
