i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize