Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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