I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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