The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
