So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
there is glitter all over my balls
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