I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
