I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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