In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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