Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just found a bag of teeth...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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