In America we eat man semen.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were trust falling into bushes
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
