nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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