I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
