coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
